Tuesday, January 17, 2012

My Love Life - Where Everything Began (Part 1)

I had just started wearing my assistants uniform (I still couldn't believe it). At this moment all I wanted to do was serve my God and do what He wanted. I had the opportunity to do a special work (holding services only few times a week) at my school. Right after work on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I went directly to there. The work we did there began to grow and the pastor sent an assistant to come and help me. I ended up making meetings with up to 100 people, it was a blessing... as I was doing this, a desire began to grow inside of me to serve God on the altar. But with me, everything was different... I wanted to serve God as a pastor... that's right... a pastor. 

I used to daydream, imagining myself preaching on the altar and never once as a pastor's wife. I remember that in services in which I assisted as an assistant, my pastor would always call the male assistants to go up and pray on the microphone. I would just stay there wanting to go as well, until one day it happened. The pastor called me to go up and pray (me and some female assistants). I was already decided that I would serve on the altar, the pastor said nothing was impossible -  I was positive I would serve as a pastor.

Two months went by and we were told that all the assistants needed to go to the meeting of the 70 apostles in the headquarters. I had to go, so I continued doing the special work on Thursdays and on Tuesdays and then I would go to the headquarters.

I remember that the first time I went, I was in shock. First of all it was a very blessed meeting, people from other states came (a lot of them) for this purpose of healing. Many people were seeking healing and counseling...I didn't just stay for the 6pm meeting, I ended up staying for the meeting at 8pm meeting as well. I felt useful in those meetings, I would leave with my uniform all dirty because the people that were being delivered manifested with demons. I didn't care about anything else... I was there in order to help these people. The second thing that shocked me was that I didn't see many young assistants wanting to do things to help, they stood by the wall while the meeting was going on and afterwards they would go to the restroom to chat. My God! Why?! I Just let it go, everyone is different, God knows everything...because of this we cannot judge. 

When I'd go to the headquarters on Tuesdays and I would always be in the restroom anointing people and afterwards assist in the meeting. I got to know assistants from many places, many were really nice but, they had something that made me uncomfortable and many times I would leave quietly. They always spoke about the same thing — their love life.

They would talk about how their "blessing" was in the service (because there were 70 single auxiliary pastors), they couldn't be messy or sweaty because they could "lose" their blessing lol, as well as the opportunity to serve God on the altar, beside a man of God...but there was one day I got so mad...I was getting dressed and they only spoke about that, I couldn't help it, I took a deep breath and told them something...

"Don't you all think you're being anxious? Didn't you notice all the people in need of help, or were you paying more attention to the auxiliaries?"

Goodness!!! They wanted to eat me alive lol... one of them told me I was saying this because I wanted to appear spiritual... the other one told me that I was jealous that they were beautiful and of God...

"Now Graciele, you need to improve your appearance my darling... you need to lose weight (I was overweight back then), those glasses don't go with you (I used those cat looking glasses), look at yourself first child, so then you can say something to us."

You know what I did? Nothing... I stayed quiet. In truth, I didn't know what to do so, I continued going and would speak with them, but, I didn't stay close around them too much because I knew it wouldn't be good for me.

My husband was one of the auxiliaries they would speak about, at that time I didn't know him yet.


Note: In the above picture I was already a bit thinner :-)

"A servant that has the same characteristics as God does not only do His work, but overall, His will."