Monday, June 27, 2011
I returned once again to Houston with a purpose in my heart to start all over again. I remember it was hard, I had to endure jokes, neglet, (the devil knows just what to do to make us give up... he doesn't need us to leave the altar, he only has to make our hearts sad, contaminated, upset, this way he makes our heart into his party, winning time and also blocking our work to win souls.) Even though all this was going on I knew one thing, God was with me, nothing nor anyone could take away this certainty from me. This same week my husband began working with youth, it was a new challenge and blessing.
Everything was new and we were serving God. The thoughts came back still in my mind though of what I had gone through. I still wasn't able to see my collegues with good eyes, I needed to overcome this, I had to do something.
A few weeks passed and a meeting was announced with the youth girls of Houston. No way on earth could I miss this! I still didn't understand much English... but anything that added to my spiritual life, I was there. God does everything so perfect, the meeting was a blessing for me, I was able to understand a lot of things and one of them was about the Sisterhood. It was everything I wanted. It didn't matter that I was a Pastor's wife, I decided to try out and turned in my application... I really wanted to join! I did all the tasks and it was difficult but, a month to remember... I was accepted!
The first go-personal task I received I couldn't believe. I had to read several times lol. It was so difficult to return to the situation I had left. I felt a knot in my stomach while I was reading it. But it was only God who wanted me to resolve this issue how He wanted, so that's what I did.
I was finally able to get in touch with my old colleague, she was needing someone because her mom wasn't doing all that well. That's the reason I used to call her. After that, I had to change the subject so she wouldn't hang up... it was strange but I had no idea how I managed to straighten up so many things. (I don't think she knew what was going on.) When we hung up, it was such a relieve lol! I was able to talk and laugh with her, we had never done that before. After that call I sent her letters, emails, called her, and we did a purpose for her mom. I still couldn't believe it was happening.
Now I can say from the bottom of my heart that it was worth it. My husband and I don't have bad eyes towards our collegues. We've ran into each other a couple of times and there's nothing bad between us. I had to decide and change this situation, to break this pride with the help of my big sister.
This is the kind of attitude that pleases God. It doesn't matter what title you hold, have good eyes, have respect, have love, perhaps your colleague is having attitudes that aren't good (remember we all have faults, we have to learn to love one another).
Don't let this happen to you... If this has started happening, start working now because the devil isn't worried if we're still serving, but HOW it is we're serving. It doesn't matter what we are doing, it matters what WE ARE and to remain with the good eyes we had since the beginning.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Everything started out well. The church was big and the work was advancing. The first 3 months we worked together we were doing everything in Spirit.
Soon I began to see attitudes of my colleagues that I didn't like but I just pushed those thoughts to the side – in the beginning. But, without noticing I began having judgmental thoughts... Inside of me I knew those attitudes were not right. It was then that I decided to speak. I first went to her and spoke about it... she didn't like it one bit! I didn't either (we didn't understand each other) and that's where I went wrong... the small snowball had begun. Remembering this situation now, I should have cut off the problem by the root... but no, I left mad over that situation.
After that conversation, we didn't speak the same way. We lived together and worked together, but nothing! We only spoke when we had to. In my world, I knew I was right. I could no longer tolerate her ways, likewise her with me. The situation was getting ugly because now the snowball had brought it in my husband and hers. There was no longer a fresh atmosphere between us.
Finally, we all sat together to resolve this issue because it was now affecting our work. You see how the devil works? With ridiculous little things like this, it didn't just affect us but also the souls. But in the end, the conversation solved nothing. It's sad to say but neither one of us recognized we were wrong (we were blind).
After that conversation I realized it was getting worse, praying wasn't enough, I needed to act in the right way. But I didn't accept I was having bad eyes, in my eyes they were wrong, I didn't realize it was me... I was the one that was utterly wrong...
I went and spoke to my husband, "We're going to act differently." The following day, I did everything to please them, but the devil is so cunning that my colleagues didn't even care. That's when I thought, "See... its not working, I give up." In truth I should've continued, but when we're having bad eyes, anything done against us our immediate response is, "See? I tried but nothing..."
A few weeks passed, and now it was their turn, they did everything to please us... you know how we reacted? The same way they acted with us.
When we lose fear, we lose everything. There's no point in praying, trying to change. If you don't recognize it, even if you think your right, it doesn't matter, God is being impeded from acting. When we get to that point it's very sad, everything looks bad to you, a job, attitude, it takes us to see things with bad eyes, with judgement. Today I don't know how I let things escalate this far.
I had never gone through something like this. I always loved living with other people, I had heard about situations like this but never imagined that it would happen through me.
The situation got so bad that we had to get out of there, there was no control. That same day I had spoken with God, if I were to lose my salvation I preferred to leave there. And that's exactly what happened.
God is so wonderful... He knew what He was doing. In His mercy I saw my big mistake. Many times a lot of people think that judging or having bad eyes is not that bad. But for those who want to serve God, its a HUGE mistake... It ties you up and not only that but, you can no longer hear the voice of God. How can a person like this give something? Can they save souls? It's impossible!
I'll continue this week, you're going to know what helped me get out of this situation... I had to decide, I had to start all over again.
Read Part 3
Read Part 3
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I've been out of the country for about 3 years. The experiences I've been through have been a turning point with my walk with God. In all truth, the time that I lived in Brazil doesn't compare with the time I've lived here. I'm not ashamed to write about myself, even if I am a pastor's wife. I've learned that if I reveal something I struggled with, a mistake that I made, I can save other people from doing the same. That was my objective when I first started this blog.
After having the experience of being born of God, which was here (Later on I'll write about it), I learned that God had chosen me to come to the USA because he knew I needed to be saved, and then save souls. I needed to get out of my comfort zone (Brazil), to understand a lot of things.
Here as a pastor's wife, we have a lot of opportunities. The work of God needs to grow, there's a lot of things to do here. But a few months back, I ended up laying a trap for myself.
For me, serving God is the most important thing after my salvation. The time that I've been here I've been in church's that were far away (Only me and my husband). I got used to being alone, for me everything was alright. I was serving God, my mind was always busy with something, always thinking up of ideas to save souls, praying, and etc.
It was when I received news I would go to another place. In that moment I was so happy. It would be a new experience, I'd be going to a church that needed to grow (I love challenges), and also I found out it wouldn't just be my husband and I but, another couple would be going as well. I loved the idea. So much time working alone, we were finally going to have colleagues of the same faith. We'd be in the same church and live together. I never had problems in the work of God, I always got along with everyone.
We began this great new challenge in that church and in one faith... In the beginning...
I'll continue this, do you want to know what happened?
Read Part 2
Read Part 2
Friday, June 3, 2011
My name is Fabiana Faria I came to the church when I was 15 years by my mom who had a ton of problems. In my mind, I only accompanied her as a favor, because to be sincere I didn't really like it. But with time after attending and hearing the word of God a interest within me started to grow wanting to know everything in the bible, even though I hadn't had an encounter with God yet. Why?
The more I admired and marveled at the word of God I never saw any of it directed to me for simple fact that I didn't see myself as a sinner. In my head I didn't have any sins, I used to think, "I never smoked, drank, slept around..." My misconception was that I thought those things were the only sins... so when the pastor would call up to the altar those who wanted to repent and convert I thought, "None of those concerned me!" What sin did I have in comparison to those people who lived the "wordly life"? And that's how I assumed that I was doing fine.
Until one day, I felt that something lacked way down deep in my heart, I felt an emptiness, I began asking God to show me why I had that feeling, God showed me. Better yet, he took the blind off my eyes and I began to see what a sinner I was, even more than anyone else. I needed God's forgiveness and a sincere repentance. It was then that I called, cried, and sought a real encounter with God. After that day the emptiness left because I realized how much I needed God.