My name is Elaine. I’m an assistant in the body of workers for the Lord, and I would like to share a little of what recently happened in my life.
From the moment I became an assistant, I served God in fear and with much dedication, but a few years ago, I began losing myself in His work and at home. Problems began to surge in my family and my financial life, causing me much embarrassment as an assistant. Due to this, I began looking at my problems more than trusting in God. That’s how it started and I allowed doubt to settle in my heart.
It's exactly how we’re taught in church: "If you’ve conquered everything by faith, you can lose it all by doubting."
I allowed evil thoughts to invade my mind and eventually they took over. I started thinking that I didn’t have the Holy Spirit and that’s when my mind became totally contaminated. I accepted the impure thoughts that ran through my mind. I, someone who always had a pure heart and mind, began having horrible thoughts. Thoughts of everything in this world and beyond that were far from the discipline of God raced through my mind, like thoughts of promiscuity, homosexuality, doubts about campaigns of faith and much more.
I hadn’t done anything wrong. I actually didn’t want things to be the way they were. Deep within myself I loathed all of these things but I was like an erupting volcano. I was confused and didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t find a way out (the thought of death passed through my mind several times) because I allowed myself to be contaminated and my "outer woman” became corrupt. I was unable to overcome those thoughts that dominated me and I could no longer put on my uniform. My heart was in terrible pain, all I did was cry. I couldn’t handle the daily torment of so many awful and impure thoughts. When I tried praying, getting up from that spiritual weakness and starting over, I was unable to. I felt accused, overwhelmed and found myself unable to react.
I was like the parable of the lost coin (Luke 15:8). I didn’t leave God’s Work and I hadn’t committed any sins, but I was confused to the point of considering giving everything up.
At this point all that was left for me to do was seek out the bishop of my church for help. I couldn’t take it anymore. The day I went to ask for help, I was willing to do anything to raise myself back up. I didn’t think about my losing my uniform, I didn’t think about the embarrassment I would have to face, I didn’t think about how many years I had been an assistant; I just opened my heart. The bishop, like a father, was used by God to guide me.
Through him, I learned that there are battles which we must overcome on our own, but there are others that, when we are unable to overcome them on our own, we must ask for help, confess and trust in the men of God that are on the altar.
We may appear to lose everything; have to give up a title in the church and have people treat us differently, but we must never allow ourselves to lose our SALVATION, up until the end.
Assistant Elaine
Posted by: Bishop Edir Macedo
This testimony is very strong because it is sincere. You were not concerned about the outside, you've made the decision to take care of how you were inside, regardless of what others will say.
ReplyDeleteDear Asst Elaine,
ReplyDeleteAround two years ago the same thing happened to me. I was 8 or 9 months in the church when i receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit, i was raised soon after. I was an assistant of faith used in everything in the work of God, Portuguese and English although i could not speak a word of Portuguese. I really made the difference in my house outside and in the church my love life became blessed I was at the top. But then I too became lost in the work of God. It started by a small double them before I need it I was full of doubts and doubted the most previous gift I was given the Holy Spirit… Immediately I spoke to the pastor in charge not caring or even considering losing my uniform. But inevitably I was put down and few days later the person I was dating broke up with me, because he was advised to do so. I remember the pastor saying that because of the way I was he was advised I would never be an assistant again. I thought to myself what I am going to do as a member because I did not even remember how to be on. After that day I lost the desire to do anything even to live. I did not eat anything for around 4 days my mind was so lost. I cried everything day asking God why this had happened to me and why I was being pit through this. I remember leaving work on day and taking a step forward to jump off the train line because I could don’t get rid of the doubts in my mind. I felt like a looser. As I step forward there were so many voice convincing me that no one loved me and care for me anymore and would not miss me anyway but then I heard these words so clear I remember until today it was God… “don’t do it” that was it no convincing word just that. I took a step pack and sat down in the station I don’t know for how long and I decided in that moment not matter how difficult thing go I will not give up. And I thank only the Lord Jesus I can here today. I started all over again I mean everything and God honoured because today God has raised me up once again to do his work with a new mind and a vision for the future. My advice to anyone going thorough this is to be SINCERE! God will honour you; although it looks like you will lose everything, do not worry God will honour you with so much more after it will all depend on your surrender…. And remember it’s better to humble yourself now and be raised up than to be humiliated by force...
God is with you…. As you are with him
Hi Mrs Grasiele,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for putting this up and also thank you very much Assistant Elaine for your sincerity. Something you said really spoke out to me as I am facing financial difficulty to the point that I can't serve as an Assistant properly and many times other Assistants who are supposed to be there fighting with me have mocked and laughed at me causing me just like you said great embarrassment. The only thing that has kept me fighting is the Spirit of God as many doubts have come but thank God I haven't listened to them but everyday strengthen myself by seeking Him because I know that my victory is certain.